Food Obsessed

Growing up I always struggled with wanting to lose weight. I wasn't always healthy in my attempts to shed a few pounds either. I remember my parents telling me it wasn't good to obsess over food, and I completely agree. I'd rather be chubby and know I eat healthy, than skinny and starving.

It's still hard though, especially lately since I've gained a decent amount of weight and my attempts to lose the weight have been unsuccessful. It doesn't bother me nearly as much as did when I was a kid though. Now I look back and think, 'Wow, you were so dumb, I'd love to be that size now.'

I'm pretty positive about losing weight though, even though I haven't been able to lose any. I figure it will come off eventually I just have to keep eating right and not worry so much about it. I have a man who loves me just the way I am, and a family who thinks I'm beautiful... so you know what? I'll have to agree with them. I'm just taking it one day at a time and not letting it get to me.

I've noticed though I'm still obsessed with food, but it's not just because of weight loss anymore. Being a diabetic I have no other choice but to focus on what I'm eating. This can be hard, this can be draining, especially for someone who has spent so much of her life wanting to lose weight and being so focused on food.

Who wants to spend all day thinking about that? Nobody should have to be a slave to the food they eat. Sometimes I feel that way. That food rules my life, or at least my diabetes. There are positives that come along with it though.

Sometimes I'll think 'that has way to many carbs and I don't want to have to give myself that much insulin', so I may pick something easier for me to eat.

Sometimes my family and friends remind me I probably shouldn't eat that second cookie, because it's not good for my diabetes (at least it's not because they're worried I'll gain another pound, haha)

In a way it has forced me to learn how to eat healthy and make better choice. It also forced me to get over trying to starve myself to lose weight... which in the long run just makes you gain more weight anyway!

Diabetes taught me how to eat a balanced meal and diet, so thank you for that. It has taught me to accept myself, so thank you for that. It has also taught me that I actually can be in control because diabetes doesn't control me I control her, so thank you for that!

I will give you the finger everyday of my life.

And yes, I do mean the middle finger!

Being a diabetic sucks, lets just face it. I do try to find the brighter side of things and I try to laugh at myself (though few people know what I'm laughing at). My jokes are not funny to anyone, but me. You have to laugh at it though, or it'll just bring you misery. 

So many people in the diabetic community suffer with depression and guilt about there diabetes. I'll be honest, I too, have had my fair share of lows (mentally and physically) dealing with an impossible disorder. I've sat an just cried wishing I didn't have to deal with this. I've asked myself, why me? It's not fair! It's so overwhelming to think for the rest of your life, 24 hours a day 7 days a week, you will be playing the balancing act. You will constantly check your sugar and see if you passed or failed on your attempt to guess your carbs, while also calculating everything else that is going on in your environment that is going to affect your blood sugar. 

Diabetes is the only disease where the medicine you are taking can potentially kill you and your the one who has to guess what the right amount is... that is really scary! Of course, with technology and the help of doctors we are pretty good at guessing, but still it's never perfect and it's still a guess. How many times have I gone low this week? To many to count! 

So everyday I give diabetes the finger! Most the time when I test my sugar I use my middle finger and in my head I'm thinking, yeah take that! F you, diabetes! Then I move on with my day and try my best to roll with the punches of diabetes, because it's not all bad. 

Test Strips, EVERYWHERE!

As a diabetic, do you find that there are test strips everywhere? 

I've come to notice, I leave a trail of test strips where ever I go. It's one of my 'bad diabetic habits', not throwing test strip in the trash where they belong. I usually put them back in my meter holder thingy (whatever that thing is called). 

They tend to fall out every time I open the darn thing, but do I learn? Of course not!

Today, walking out to my car, I noticed something. Three test strips lead the way, from my front door all the way to my car. I'm pretty sure they were all MY test strips! 

How in the world? I've never tested my blood sugar outside, and I always have my meter holder thingy in my purse. So, how are they even outside? I'm guessing they fell out of the trash when taking it out? I guess I do throw some away, eventually. 

Then another thing happened today. I decided it was time to clean out my purse. It was pretty darn horrible. I could never find anything in it, plus there had to be about 15 smashed granola bars in there as well. Hey, you never know when a smashed granola bar is going to come in handy, right? Anyway, I figured it was time to swap them out for some fruit snacks, or I don't know... glucose tabs.  

Once I was done cleaning out my purse I was surprised to find maybe 100, or so, used test strips at the bottom of my purse (ewwww). I guess all the times I opened my tester with it half way in my purse lead to many many test strips falling into the big black hole I call my purse. 

So how about it, are you the kind of diabetic who leaves a trail? Or do you know one that does?